Writing Intimate Moments
Ahh… Romance.
I won’t lie to you, I’m all about it.
I love love.
That love is a core part of who I am. I obsess over romance and love stories with the best of them.
And honestly, why not obsess over them? They make me feel good, they make my heart happy, and they remind me of the good things in the world!
So, as you’d expect (and perhaps you’ve already noticed), I love writing about romance as well.
I like everything about it - the meeting, the first date, falling in love. Having sex, not having sex, going on dates, the whole nine. Each stage in a relationship has something unique and different to offer. Exploring each of those angles and challenges is thrilling.
You can feel the burning passions of a first meeting, or you can wrap yourself in the tenderness of a long term relationship. All of it can happen right here, on a screen or in the pages of a book.
I try to cover every single stage of a relationship across my writing, and I like to think I’ve done a pretty good job portraying how different each stage is from the last. I like to try and capture the intensity of emotions that happen when you truly love someone.
I’m asked often how I write these romance, sex, and other gooey gushy things, so I thought it was about time I sat down and wrote out as much of it as I could think of.
Not surprising anyone, I have a lot to say on the subject after having written a book’s worth of romantic ASMR scripts, and, incidentally, having written a whole, actual book chock full of romance.
As with most things on my blog, this post is writing focused. As you read, please keep in mind what the goal is: To make the reader feel the love.
So today, my friends, let’s get down to business. The business of love.
And also sex.
This article is intended for people age 18 or older, so please skedaddle if that’s not you.
What We’ll Cover…
First, as always, please take everything I say with a grain of salt. This is just what has worked for me, but it may be complete rubbish for you! Do what works best for you and your process. Ultimately, it’s awesome to read about how other people do things, but it may not always be something you can apply in your own work! And that’s ok!
With that caveat in place, here’s what we’ll go over in this post:
Why Setup Is Important
Vocab Matters
Length of a Piece
The Nitty Gritty
Writing Inclusively for Gender Neutral, Gender Flexible, and Trans Audiences
Personal Preferences
Putting the Love into It
When Writing Audio Only
Troubleshooting
Ok… So I know this is a lot, but please feel free to skip sections you feel you don’t need, but I do recommend reading all of them if you’re a beginner to writing these types of scenes.
We’ll talk about how these principles apply both in romance in general, and more specifically, in sex scenes.
Let’s get going!
Why Setup is Important
Ok, so we’ve all heard of what happens in an “adult video” (cough porn cough) when the pizza man or the plumber comes around. They deliver the meat special or clean the pipes, and there’s lots of overdone moaning along the way to the ending.
When you compare those scenarios with award-winning pornography, romance novels, or popular indy porn producers (you know, actually enjoyable things), you’ll find something massively different.
Storytelling.
Take, for instance, fanfiction. It's one of the largest free reading resources on the planet, tons of independently written stories featuring favorite characters we all love. Not only do these stories have the added benefit of having a TV or movie to build off of, but they also build more story, and go further than the original content often does. They close up plot holes and add to stories, and they also have some of the steamiest sex scenes you could ever hope to read.
If you haven’t read fanfiction before, I highly recommend that you do before attempting to write any sex or romance scenes yourself. It’s free to read, and I recommend using Archive of Our Own to find one that interests you.
Reading is the best way of learning, and by reading fan fiction, you can read only the parts you’re looking to learn from (i.e. the sex) without needing to learn and grow attached to whole new characters.
In addition to being a time-saver, it also shows you how people accomplish familiarity, depth of emotion, and romance in a short period. Look at stories shorter than five thousand words, and pay attention to how they build emotion and story with a short timeframe.
Learn from fan fiction, enjoy some fan fiction, and then… think about using it in your writing! Whether it be a novel, a script, a short story or a poem, building emotion effectively and quickly is such a great tool to have in your arsenal. It’ll improve your storytelling and give you good control over the tone and pace of your story.
Then, once you have some ideas for your writing, practice! Write anything and see just how far you can push the romance, how soft or hard or slow or fast you can build up emotion.
Pay attention to not only making things intimate, sexy, and romantic, but also to the story you’re telling along the way. Are these people strangers? Are they long-time friends? What kind of characters are they? Is one of them shy and quiet, or bubbly and happy? Do they crack jokes or are they dirty talkers?
Give them personalities, give us a glimpse into both who they are, and also how they love. It tells us a lot about their lives in general, and can be a great way to enhance a story, and to really give people a sense of character.
Remember, people don’t usually have sex in silence, so remember to add dialogue too!
This is rather nebulous, but I hope it at least points you towards this conclusion: Sex is more than sex.
Vocab Matters
Once you have a basic idea of how to effectively story tell while also turning up the heat, it’s time to refine!
First stop, vocabulary.
When was the last time you thought about the words you use, how often you use them, and whether or not you like them?
It’s probably been a long time since you last had a vocab list, but that doesn’t mean we need to stop choosing our words carefully. In all honestly, when it comes to sex and intimacy and romance, I recommend making a list of the words you like to use, and also the words you want to avoid!
No one wants to write the words ‘meat totem’, but do you have a plan for when you just can’t stomach writing ‘dick’ for the 20th time?
I recommend carefully considering the following to start with:
Appropriate and respectful words for genitals (all parts)
Whether or not you need to reference genitalia directly
What you name certain touches (Are they caressing? Gently touching? Brushing across?)
Would this character say fucking, or making love, or having sex, or playing, or maybe even taking?
The words you use, and the words your characters use help set the tone for the encounter, and give you a toolbox to work with when describing what is happening.
Then, keep in mind that you don’t want to repeat words too often, so it’s also important to consider wether you want to say, "He slid his hard cock inside slowly.” or “Then, he entered them slowly, and carefully.”
When you decide to break open your sexier words is as important as which sexy words you use.
I recommend using words referring to genitalia as little as possible, unless you’re specifically writing very dirty dirty talk, and instead to try and describe a feeling or an experience. Reserve your dicks and cocks and pussies for dialogue, and find another way to describe the action outside of that so you don’t wear out the power those words have!
One well-timed pussy can be a lot more effective than 20 poorly timed ones.
Length of a Piece
Remember a little bit ago, when you hopefully read some fan fiction?
Well, you might have noticed that, even when a fic has a rating of Explicit, some of them are more than 100,000 words long, and some of them are only a few thousand. It’s a good, concrete example of how sex and romance fit into stories of all lengths. It also shows that how long you want your piece to be will change how you approach the intimate scenes.
I think, for me, the sweet spot for any scene, whether it is just a chapter in a book, or a standalone script or one-shot story, is around ~3,000 words, give or take. However, it may be way different for you!
The length is affected by how much set up you need to give it (there’s always more set up in a standalone piece), as well as the type of scene you’re going for.
Something touching and emotional, with perhaps a love confession in the middle, will be longer than something hot and fast and casual.
However, regardless of your goals, there is one super important thing to remember: Sometimes, these are people’s favorite parts, of any work!
You’ve given them characters to love, who they want to see happy and enjoying life, and you want to give them time to enjoy that!
Or, you’ve got people experiencing your scripts or reading your short story for more physical gratification, give them time to enjoy that too!
I don’t recommend going under the 1,500 word mark in any work, including some foreplay. This should give you enough time for the appropriate build-up (kissing, oral, whatever foreplay you desire), the actual act (sex? just some really intense cuddling? whatever!) and then some cool down.
If you go above that, just make sure that you’re going over for a reason, either intensifying the emotions or making the experience more vivid and intense.
I like to structure my scenes like the following:
Setup - Establish the scene (if need be). Where are they, what time is it, and who is there?
Emotion - What is their emotional starting point? Are they already feeling romantic, or do we need to begin to build the romance? Start the process of intensifying their emotions here, building up the tension. Include foreplay in here! How two people feel about one another is the #1 key part of any encounter, and that plays big time into foreplay! Make them feel good! Have them kiss! All that!
The Pre-Act - This part is important! This is your ‘tipping point’, you need to make sure you have the emotions built up enough BEFORE they engage in anything heavy. Make sure they’ve kissed and touched! Make sure it’s clear that they want to engage in something intimate, and establish consent!
The Act! - The main event! This is them doing the thing! What is the thing? Well, only you know this, but it’s probably sex, or some kind of sexual activity.
The Cool Down - Give the reader a chance to recover! Have the characters catching their breath, talking softly, or doing something more low-energy. Show aftercare if applicable.
The Nitty Gritty
Ok. Ok.
So.
How are you feeling?
Hanging in there so far?
Maybe get yourself some water, because we’re about to get into some real hot content here.
The nitty gritty.
Now, I don’t believe that you have to have had sex in order to write good sex, but I do think you need to know some basics.
Firstly, sex is not silent. People communicate with one another about what they’d like, how they’re feeling, etc.
So make sure you remember to keep the dialogue flowing! Have someone remark on moving blankets out of the way, or on if they’d like more or less pressure from something. Sex is inherently human, so make sure you keep the human element in it!
Second, character building doesn’t stop just because they’re getting spicy.
What kind of sex would you character want?
What kind of sex do you want to give them?
Do they prefer a certain position, or favor a certain body part on their partner? Do they have insecurities? Do they prefer oral? Anal? Neither?
Do they kiss when they have sex? Make eye contact? What kind of foreplay do they prefer?
All of these things help make your sex scene unique. The last thing you want is a sex scene that’s flat and transactional, and adding personalization and quirks to it is a good way to help avoid that.
Third, when the sex is good, really good, people do tend to get a little into their moment. This is, I think, the hardest thing to convey. It’s not like you’ve lost all of your senses, but you are into the moment, and will tend to say and do things in order to reach your ‘goal’. So don’t be afraid to push things, just a little bit. Don’t go full Ahegao with it, but push your dirty talk a little farther, make sure to convey how much people are enjoying things.
Show the reader how good things are, don’t just say": “And she really enjoyed it,” or, “And he came,” or, “And his dick throbbed so much.”
Put thought into imagery, and use your imagination to paint a picture! This can be difficult, but writing sex is just as hard as all writing is, if not harder! So remember put in the effort!
A good way to do this is to have your characters react to one another. People tend to lean into touches they like, and maneuver their bodies to get exactly what they want, tilting their head to the side so they can be bitten, opening their legs, etc. Keep track of where your character’s limbs are and the position they’re in, so you can best add or omit information for the most oomph.
You don’t need to say, “One of her hands was on his back and her other hand laid on the bed,” but you do want to say, “She drifted one hand up his side and dug her nails into his shoulder.”
Don’t bog the reader down by categorically noting down every little motion or item in the room, just give them the important bits. Otherwise, your sex scene will be boring, too long, or seem clinical.
Lastly: Remember!! Foreplay!!
Have them kiss! Have them snuggle! Have them hug and touch and explore! Don’t jump from sitting on the couch immediately into two characters boning. Build them up to the act, with heavy breathing, racing hearts, rising arousal, and maybe some grinding and heavy petting too.
Using these principals, and combining it with your vocabulary list, and a basic outline for your scene, you can build up an engaging and intense sex scene which keeps people wanting more.
Writing Inclusively for Gender Neutral, Gender Flexible, and Trans Audiences
Everyone deserves to have fiction they can connect with, and a great way to allow more people to enjoy and connect with your work is to make it as gender-neutral as possible. This can be more difficult for longer works, as defined characters are a central part of that, but people in real life are Gender Neutral, Gender Flexible, and Trans, so give them some representation in your work! Have LGBTQUIA+ characters!
Additionally, if you’re writing an erotic script or short story, carefully consider whether or not you need to use specific and defined terms. Does a pussy need to be entered specifically? Or can someone just be entered, and the listener can decide for themselves how that happens?
There’s a great thread on Reddit that does much more justice to this topic than I ever could, which you can find here.
I really recommend everyone read it, and think about how inclusive your writing is! Especially if you are writing erotic audios! It’s an easy adjustment to make and can force you to describe things in a more interesting way and to concentrate on feelings and listener experience instead of anything mechanical happening.
More on writing audios specifically in a second here, promise!
Personal Preference
Not gonna lie, I chose that image there for the limes only.
Why?
That’s my personal preference!!
You like how I tied the name of the section in with that, eh?
Our personal preferences tie into everything we do, both consciously and subconsciously. This can be a really good thing, allowing us to become invested in our work, and passionate about making something good. But we cannot allow that to keep us from expanding our horizons and charting new waters.
Don’t be afraid to write about that one really specific thing you like, but be careful, just because you like something, doesn’t mean others will. But even if other people don’t, don’t worry about it. All writing has a purpose, even if that purpose is just as practice as you develop your skills and find your niche!
Additionally, remember the opposite of this too! Writing, like most things, has a fantastic community built around it. If you see someone writing you don’t like, let them be! Just because something isn’t your jam doesn’t mean it’s bad. It could be extremely well written, engaging, and a gem, even if it’s not something you’re into!
As long as it’s not hurting anyone, there’s nothing wrong with getting a little out there with content! To get out there, and be respectful of the others you meet along the way!
When Writing Audio Only
Alright. Now, finally, we get to the thing I know a lot of you are here for.
Writing erotic roleplay scripts.
Whoop! Welcome to the party! Are you ready to get down and dirty?
My post about the Anatomy of an ASMR Script is one of the most popular things on here, and for good reason! Writing ASMR scripts is fun! It’s a good challenge that stretches your storytelling abilities, and when writing erotic scripts, it’s an additional challenge that can be fun to tackle.
So… Where do you start?
Well, first, read the above-linked Anatomy of an ASMR Script blog post! It’ll give you some good fundamentals, in case you’re new to scripts! You’ll find I’m pretty casual about a lot of things, but you definitely want to do a little research before diving in.
Then, it’s time to get to work! Figure out what kind of sex you want to write first, using some of the stuff we talked about above: Think about what kind of sex these characters would have, and how that would play out.
Are the listener and them in a well-established relationship? Are they casual? Maybe they’re enemies having hate sex? Maybe it’s soft and slow… or fast and furious? I usually make a note of these things at the top of whatever document I am working in, so I don’t forget the mood I’m going for in it. This way, I can do my best to be consistent with it throughout.
Once you know that, then you can start.
Like with a normal ASMR script, I put a summary, setting, any notes, and other items at the top of my script (usually, I’ll stick my notes for what my script will be in the summary- until I have my full final summary written later), along with the title and my name.
Then, also like a normal script, I dive right into it.
Writing a sex scene is shockingly normal at first. There’s some stage setting, cluing in the listener on where they are, what’s going on, and maybe some hints about what’s to come. I try to introduce whatever term of endearment I’ll be using in the opening as well. Once I feel like the listener has been acclimated enough (enough can chance script to script, BTW, sometimes you might want to keep them on their toes a little), I begin the foreplay.
This is an intentional move on my part. Some people feel as if erotic scripts should exist without any premise or set up… But if that was the case, we’d all be listening to tracks of just people moaning instead of erotic roleplay, wouldn’t we?
In fact, I think set up is vital to a good, engaging erotic audio. It helps commenters feel more engaged with the story you’re telling, so when it inevitably turns sexy, they’re already invested in what’s being said. It helps them feel deeper, and feels are the goal here.
This is to be taken with a grain of salt, I do not mean, for example, if your audio involves a witch, we don’t need a deep and thorough overview of who she is in her coven, who the had of her coven is, and for how long she has been a member of her coven. Instead, you can have the speaker casually say something like, “I hope all’s well with your coven?” which will infer that 1) the listener is a witch, 2) they have a coven, and 3) that the speaker knows they are a witch.
For another example, let’s say you’re writing a hot and heavy script, with two strangers in a bar. Nothing supernatural here, but we still want to make sure we establish a couple of things: That we’re in a bar, that things are about to get romantic, and maybe a few clues into who this mysterious person from the bar is.
It might look like this—
[Thudding bass music plays in the background, and a crowd chatters.]
Speaker: Well, well… Fancy seeing you here. You have some nerve—
[They stop speaking and then act just a little bit embarrassed..]
Speaker: I… Shoot. I’m sorry. The lights are really dim in here, and those neon beet signs are not actually helping any. I thought you were someone else.
[Laughing self consciously, they set down their drink.]
Speaker: Who did I think you were? Well… My ex, they used to come here too, every Friday night. They’d listen to me play and then after we’d…
[They cough.]
Speaker: We’ve had a lot of good times here… Anyway, look, I’m sorry again, we can just forget this ever happened, alright? I just figured if you were my ex, I could guilt you into helping me set up for my set… maybe some hate sex.
[Sighing, they pick up their drink.]
Speaker: Either way, I’ll get out of your hair now. Sorry again.
[They take a couple of steps, and then stop.]
Speaker: Unless… You’d like to help me? It won’t take long, and if I count you as part of my posse, the bartender will give you some free drinks. How does that sound? And maybe after we can talk about, er, those other roadie benefits?
Now, notice there was no mention of a bar, or that they’re strangers, but we’ve still managed to set up everything we wanted too, with some suggestive content, but no outright kissing or foreplay… yet…
Plus, we’ve created a little bit of a plot for ourselves, while adding an enticing sex-with-a-musician twist. All good stuff! It leads in well to foreplay (which is just as important in erotic audios as it is in other prose), and well-rooted foreplay helps to engage the listener even more. It allows them to build up warm fuzzies as they picture being a part of a romantic encounter where the person they’re with is concerned with them feeling good, and wants to take all the proper steps to get there. It’s not something that always happens in real life, and people can rush sex too much, so in audios, it’s nice to be a little luxurious with the foreplay.
Throw in a lot of kissing, some compliments, and some mentions of caresses for ample effect.
Now, a special section on sounds, sound effects, and cues.
Sex, obviously, generally involves at least two people, and when writing audios all we have is the voice of one person. We need to use that one voice to extrapolate the emotions from two people, and those cues are a key part of it.
Usually, I tackle this problem by using a combination of slightly descriptive wording and sounds. I try to imply just enough of what is happening, without making it seem unnatural. No one describes what’s happening as they’re having sex in real life, but in a script, you can disguise those descriptors as dirty talk sprinkled among cues to moan and sigh.
For example, real-life dirty talk might be something like, “Oh my god, baby, you’re so beautiful. I love you so much.” Which, this can work in a script, but it can also be used as an establishing vessel-like sentence.
Oh my god, baby, you look so beautiful with your legs spread open. I love you so much, I can’t wait to be inside of you.”
Same sentiment, but with little pockets of information thrown in, see? Not every phrase needs to have this information thrown into it, but when you’re trying to establish the sexy bits, it can help the listener picture what’s happening.
So, a script might look like this— This is an excerpt from Opposite Day (which, if you wanna listen to, it’s on Cardlin’s Patreon).
[A couple of moments of sighing and moaning, more than before.]
Cardlin: Ahhh… Fuck. Baby, this is… Good. Really good. Your tongue moving across the head and with how deep you can take me… Fuck, I wish I could put my hands in your hair, make you take me even deeper. Fuck your mouth and make you look at me as I did it. I love fucking your face, hearing you sigh around my cock, watching your body work hard to please me. Maybe we can do that still…
[Rattling for a second, but then, he groans, loudly, disappointed, panting.]
Cardlin: No, no. Don’t stop. I’m sorry. I know you’re the one in charge today. I won’t try and get out of them. Just… Go back to sucking my cock, please. I want you to make me come. Please.
[Pause. He’s more desperate than before.]
Cardlin: Alright, I’ll say it again. Please, make me come.
[He groans, this time happily.]
Cardlin: Thank you, thank you.
[He sighs and moans for a moment, the tension building.]
So you can see here, there’s clearly some information given about what the listener is doing, but it’s hidden inside of some dirty talk, and it doesn’t makeup too much of the script. There’s still plenty of more organic dirty talk to balance it out.
In addition, I provide moments for breaks of just sounds, which allows the performer to adlib some bits, and to control how long or short a segment is. It adds to the information being provided with our informational dirty talk so the listener can picture an entire scene, and feel like they’re a part of it too.
Usually, the informational bits are the ones I spend the most time editing, so don’t worry if it seems a little strange at first! Just finesse it as much as you can, and then move onto the next bit. You don’t want to have your entire script derailed over one sentence!
If you have more specific questions about this, leave me a comment down below! Or reach out to me on twitter. :)
Troubleshooting
Ok so… You’re writing now… And you get 700 words into it and then, suddenly… You get stuck!
Gasp.
It’s ok! Don’t panic!
I go over some troubleshooting elements in my writing tips and tricks post, and all of those apply here, but I want to emphasize one of them: Rereading.
Make sure you’ve read through what you’re writing, and if you get stuck, read it again! Sometimes you think you’ve made it romantic enough to get to the outright sexual stuff, but when you re-read it, you realize there hasn’t been enough foreplay at all!
Generally, the rule of thumb is, when you’re stuck, the problem is actually 2 paragraphs back, but it’s good practice to just re-read as much as you can so you can catch as many errors as possible.
My only other advice is to make sure you’ve put love into it!! I can’t stress that enough. If something romantic doesn’t feel quite right, then perhaps it’s not romantic enough! Sometimes we can get shy when writing these kinds of things, and it can hold us back from making it as romantic as it needs to be. Take a deep breath, let go, and see where the romance takes you!
Ok, did you survive?
I know this was long, but I hope you were able to find some useful information in all of this. Remember, the key is, as with almost all writing, to do your best, feel the love, and please, for the love of god, re-read your work!
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! You can hit me up on twitter any day of the week.
Happy writing!